The Picks - Week 2
Raiders at Chiefs (-3.5): Raiders +3.5
Picking a team in this game is like being asked which of two supermodels you'd rather sleep with - you pick one and are pretty sure you made the right choice, but you could very easily have gone the other way. Anyway, Raiders running game is too much for the Chiefs, who will have to try to get by with Damon Huard at QB for now.
Titans at Bengals (-1.0): Bengals -1.0
Carson Palmer was pitiful last week. No, he was atrocious. No, he was abysmal. You get the picture... I doubt he'll do nearly that poorly this week, although the Titans' Chris Johnson looked awesome last week, so he could be something of a wild card here.
Colts (-2.0) at Vikings: Colts -2.0
The Viks will run early and often, especially now that the Colts have released starting nose tackle Ed Johnson, but come on. The Colts are still the Colts, and the Vikings' best receiving scenario is Tavaris Jackson to Bernard Berrian. I'm not buyin'.
Saints (-1.0) at Redskins: Saints -1.0
The Saints lost Marques Colston for at least four weeks, but Drew Brees has a way of making fill-ins look like top tier wide receivers. Besides, Brees has enough primary weapons (Bush, Shockey, Meachem, Patten) to get the job done even if Colston were to miss substantially more time.
Packers (-3.0) at Lions: Packers -3.0
Aaron Rodgers looked good in his first Green Bay start. Like, really good. Plus, Ryan Grant's reportedly healthy and ready to go. Lions RB Kevin Smith looked solid in his first NFL game, but Detroit's D is just too weak to put up a fight here.
Bears at Panthers (-3.0): Bears +3.0
It's week two of Steve Smith's team-imposed suspension - that bodes well for Chicago's chances. They looked legit in their defeat of Indi, and although Matt Forte won't consistently go for 123 yards and a touchdown every week, he appears to be the real deal and could be the answer to their running back situation.
Giants (-8.5) at Rams: Rams +8.5
This pick's partly out of spite and partly because I don't think the Rams can suck as bad as they did last week. Steven Jackson has a better week and Torry Holt gets on the board, possibly eclipsing the century mark in receiving yards. (Although I predicted that last week and we all know how that turned out...)
Bills at Jaguars (-5.0): Bills +5.0
The Bills are another team that looked quite good last week as they dropped 34 points on one of the league's better defenses. Marshawn Lynch is a beast and Lee Evans might be one of the best under-the-radar wide receivers in the league. If only Trent Edwards could reach him downfield...
Falcons at Buccaneers (-7.0): Falcons +7.0
Two words: Michael Mother Effing Turner. Alright, that was four words. And here's four more: Brian Griese starting quarterback, as in Brian Griese is now the starting quarterback for the Bucs. All eight of those words spell disaster for a surprisingly old Bucs team.
49ers at Seahawks (-6.5): 49ers +6.5
The Niners suck (with the exception of Frank Gore and Patrick Willis, of course), but the Seahawks are absolutely decimated by injuries at the moment. Burleson's done for the year, Branch and Engram are a few weeks (at best) away from returning, and Maurice Morros is out for Week 2 at the least. Hasselbeck's a great quarterback, but he has no one to throw to. If the 'Hawks do win, it'll be on defense.
Dolphins at Cardinals (-6.5): Cardinals -6.5
Pennington looked great last week with those two touchdown passes, and the Dolphins have a sneaky solid receiving corps anchored by tight ends Anthony Fasano (no relation to all-time MLB mustache great Sal) and David Martin, but the Cards will crush them because of their shoddy D. Edge, Fitz and Boldin will all find the endzone. Maybe.
Patriots at Jets (-1.0): Patriots +1.0
This one could go either way and that scares the shit out of me. Cassel looked good replacing Brady last week, but the Jets looked pretty good, too. And Favre still hasn't hit his stride with Lav Coles, which is disparaging news for opposing defenses. Regardless, I trust Moss and Welker to be able to catch whatever Cassel throws within five ten to twenty of them, so that's good enough for a three point win in my book.
Ravens at Texans (-4.5): Texans (-4.5)
Not even the Baltimore running backs know what the Baltimore running back situation is going to be. Flacco looked alright, but he should have because he was going up against one of the worst defenses in the league in the Bengals. The Texans will cause a ton of problems for the Baltimore o-line, and Slaton is going to shine as the starter.
Chargers (-1.0) at Broncos: Broncos (+1.0)
Let's try that two words thing again: Brandon Mother Effing Marshall. (Once again, four words. My bad.) Marshall's got game-changing talent, and Jay Cutler throws on the move as good as anyone in the league. The Broncos D will be hard pressed to contain LT, but any chance I can get to bet against Philip Rivers, I'm gonna take it.
Steelers (-6.5) at Browns: Steelers (-6.5)
The Browns have a substantially easier opponent this week than they did last week (Cowboys), but the offense will still have their hands full with that superb Steelers defense. Edwards and Winslow are among the league's most elite players at their respective positions, but they can't catch what Anderson doesn't throw well. Fast Willie won't score three times, but he'll shred that sub-par Cleveland D.
Eagles at Cowboys (-6.5): Cowboys (-6.5)
I'm taking the 'Boys 1) because I love Jessica Simpson (in spite of this close-up of her ass, which appeared on Barstool), and 2) because the Eagles were sorta-pretenders last week as McNabb threw for 361 yards and three touchdowns. He may finally be totally healthy and ready to re-emerge as a solid quarterback option, but he won't be throwing any three TDs against that Cowboys D.
Picking a team in this game is like being asked which of two supermodels you'd rather sleep with - you pick one and are pretty sure you made the right choice, but you could very easily have gone the other way. Anyway, Raiders running game is too much for the Chiefs, who will have to try to get by with Damon Huard at QB for now.
Titans at Bengals (-1.0): Bengals -1.0
Carson Palmer was pitiful last week. No, he was atrocious. No, he was abysmal. You get the picture... I doubt he'll do nearly that poorly this week, although the Titans' Chris Johnson looked awesome last week, so he could be something of a wild card here.
Colts (-2.0) at Vikings: Colts -2.0
The Viks will run early and often, especially now that the Colts have released starting nose tackle Ed Johnson, but come on. The Colts are still the Colts, and the Vikings' best receiving scenario is Tavaris Jackson to Bernard Berrian. I'm not buyin'.
Saints (-1.0) at Redskins: Saints -1.0
The Saints lost Marques Colston for at least four weeks, but Drew Brees has a way of making fill-ins look like top tier wide receivers. Besides, Brees has enough primary weapons (Bush, Shockey, Meachem, Patten) to get the job done even if Colston were to miss substantially more time.
Packers (-3.0) at Lions: Packers -3.0
Aaron Rodgers looked good in his first Green Bay start. Like, really good. Plus, Ryan Grant's reportedly healthy and ready to go. Lions RB Kevin Smith looked solid in his first NFL game, but Detroit's D is just too weak to put up a fight here.
Bears at Panthers (-3.0): Bears +3.0
It's week two of Steve Smith's team-imposed suspension - that bodes well for Chicago's chances. They looked legit in their defeat of Indi, and although Matt Forte won't consistently go for 123 yards and a touchdown every week, he appears to be the real deal and could be the answer to their running back situation.
Giants (-8.5) at Rams: Rams +8.5
This pick's partly out of spite and partly because I don't think the Rams can suck as bad as they did last week. Steven Jackson has a better week and Torry Holt gets on the board, possibly eclipsing the century mark in receiving yards. (Although I predicted that last week and we all know how that turned out...)
Bills at Jaguars (-5.0): Bills +5.0
The Bills are another team that looked quite good last week as they dropped 34 points on one of the league's better defenses. Marshawn Lynch is a beast and Lee Evans might be one of the best under-the-radar wide receivers in the league. If only Trent Edwards could reach him downfield...
Falcons at Buccaneers (-7.0): Falcons +7.0
Two words: Michael Mother Effing Turner. Alright, that was four words. And here's four more: Brian Griese starting quarterback, as in Brian Griese is now the starting quarterback for the Bucs. All eight of those words spell disaster for a surprisingly old Bucs team.
49ers at Seahawks (-6.5): 49ers +6.5
The Niners suck (with the exception of Frank Gore and Patrick Willis, of course), but the Seahawks are absolutely decimated by injuries at the moment. Burleson's done for the year, Branch and Engram are a few weeks (at best) away from returning, and Maurice Morros is out for Week 2 at the least. Hasselbeck's a great quarterback, but he has no one to throw to. If the 'Hawks do win, it'll be on defense.
Dolphins at Cardinals (-6.5): Cardinals -6.5
Pennington looked great last week with those two touchdown passes, and the Dolphins have a sneaky solid receiving corps anchored by tight ends Anthony Fasano (no relation to all-time MLB mustache great Sal) and David Martin, but the Cards will crush them because of their shoddy D. Edge, Fitz and Boldin will all find the endzone. Maybe.
Patriots at Jets (-1.0): Patriots +1.0
This one could go either way and that scares the shit out of me. Cassel looked good replacing Brady last week, but the Jets looked pretty good, too. And Favre still hasn't hit his stride with Lav Coles, which is disparaging news for opposing defenses. Regardless, I trust Moss and Welker to be able to catch whatever Cassel throws within five ten to twenty of them, so that's good enough for a three point win in my book.
Ravens at Texans (-4.5): Texans (-4.5)
Not even the Baltimore running backs know what the Baltimore running back situation is going to be. Flacco looked alright, but he should have because he was going up against one of the worst defenses in the league in the Bengals. The Texans will cause a ton of problems for the Baltimore o-line, and Slaton is going to shine as the starter.
Chargers (-1.0) at Broncos: Broncos (+1.0)
Let's try that two words thing again: Brandon Mother Effing Marshall. (Once again, four words. My bad.) Marshall's got game-changing talent, and Jay Cutler throws on the move as good as anyone in the league. The Broncos D will be hard pressed to contain LT, but any chance I can get to bet against Philip Rivers, I'm gonna take it.
Steelers (-6.5) at Browns: Steelers (-6.5)
The Browns have a substantially easier opponent this week than they did last week (Cowboys), but the offense will still have their hands full with that superb Steelers defense. Edwards and Winslow are among the league's most elite players at their respective positions, but they can't catch what Anderson doesn't throw well. Fast Willie won't score three times, but he'll shred that sub-par Cleveland D.
Eagles at Cowboys (-6.5): Cowboys (-6.5)
I'm taking the 'Boys 1) because I love Jessica Simpson (in spite of this close-up of her ass, which appeared on Barstool), and 2) because the Eagles were sorta-pretenders last week as McNabb threw for 361 yards and three touchdowns. He may finally be totally healthy and ready to re-emerge as a solid quarterback option, but he won't be throwing any three TDs against that Cowboys D.
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