(That cigar doesn't get any less gay with time.)

Thanks to the tireless investigative reporting going on over at Deadspin, we now know that John Henry is on the verge of marrying some chick that's nearly half his age (he's 59 and she's 30).

All I have to say is good for him. I can overlook the fact that he's only several months removed from a divorce by focusing on the fact that he's borderline robbing the cradle here. This gives hope to 59-year-old gazillionaires everywhere. My only question is how much younger could he have gone? I would think billions of dollars in the bank and primary ownership of this area's favorite team could net you some sub-20 little biddy wearing a Papelbon t-shirt and sporting a double-sock logo just above her ass, but what do I know? I don't get much throwing out the fact that I'm the proprietor of one of this region's finest sports commentary websites, so I could be way off.