Shaq is Out Indefinitely; But More Important Matters Are At Hand

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Shaq is Out Indefinitely; But More Important Matters Are At Hand

Shaq is out indefinitely. It'll probably be another week or so.

But on to more important matters; if you're reading this right now, turn on Monday Night Raw. Stone Cold Steve Austin is back...let that sink in.

I'm so pumped right now I want to Stone Cold Stun my entire family.

Leave it to Vince McMahon to find a way back into my heart after 10 WWE-less years.

For those of you who are nerds or weren't fortunate enough to catch Monday Night Raw, let me paint you a picture of Stone Cold's triumphant return:

So Michael Cole and that dude who used to be Bradshaw are blabbering on about something I fast-forwarded through and all of a sudden, the glass shatters.

Stone Cold comes out looking like he hasn't missed a beat and doesn't even speak words. He just jumps on the turnbuckles and throws up the middle fingers.

Once he's done asserting his dominance in the ring, he starts hearing some shit talk from Bradshaw. Naturally, he Stuns the shit out of Bradshaw and steals his cowboy hat.

What happens next is what legends are made of.

Beers 1 and 2 - He climbs the turnbuckle and chugs.

Beers 3 and 4 - He pounds one and pours one on Bradshaw's unconscious body.

Beers 5 and 6 - He drinks/spills all over the special guest referee contract he signs after asking for a Hell Yeah.

Beers 7 and 8 and 9 - He pours over Michael Cole's head while wishing him good luck in his upcoming match.

Beer 10 - He climbs the turnbuckle and pours on Michael Cole's head as he leaves up the ramp.

Beers 11 and 12 - He chugs on the turnbuckle.

Beers 13 and 14 - He gives one to Bradshaw, who just regained consciousness, and they cheers. After all, it's only wrestling, no hard feelings. He pounds his and Stuns the shit out of Bradshaw again as he sips his. Bitch.

Beers 15 and 16 - He pounds in front of the crowd on the left side of the entrance stage.

Beers 17 and 18 - He pounds in front of the crowd on the right side of the entrance stage.

Stone Cold Steve Austin + a 30 = chaotic awesomeness.

Unreal.